rew | ff

Friday, April 23, 2004

Today was the last day of the phase at school, which means the first part of the day is spent doing hands-on lab stuff, and the second part is a big test. Then we get let out early and, if we didn't have to work saturday morning, we could go out drinkin'. I had threatened to get drunk anyway, but couldn't bring myself to do it, knowing I had to be at the shop at 7:30 in the morning.

But anyway, we all did pretty well, although Dane's worried that he may be in danger of getting a B in the class. That would end his streak of As, but hey, automatic transmissions are pretty damn complicated. There are lots of accomplished car guys who dismiss them as having magical insides that are not meant to be understood by the mortal man. I ended up getting the Student of the Phase thing after all in my class... actually it was co-SOP with that guy who wanted it so badly. Now I know how Curt Schilling and Randy Johnson felt after the 2001 World Series.

After school we went to Bobby McGee's with designs on Bobby (our friend, not McGee) asking one of our beloved waitresses, Amanda, out on a date. I was also sorta-kinda thinking about the possibility of meeting a girl one of these days (ain't gonna happen at school or work), and Ciara reassured me that I'm "not ugly." Armed with this confidence builder, I set out to try and talk to Nicole the waitress, but she wasn't working. Neither was Amanda. The evening was a wild success. Before we left I did finally get new car insurance set up for Tommy John over the phone, and I had the Geico lady in hysterics by the time my policy was all set up. Maybe I should be trying to meet girls at local Farmers and American Family offices rather than goofy bars like Bobby McGee's.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

I've got writer's block tonight. Nothing happened today that's worth mentioning, other than the bulldozer that somehow squeezed into the shop at work and tore a 15 foot deep hole in the floor to remove a broken lift. That was pretty cool.

Dane was one of only 2 people in his class to get 100% on their last automatic transmission test. Apparently it was pretty hard, because a lot of people got as low as 40%. Daner might have a shot at being the "student of the phase," which is basically a goofy award given to, you guessed it, the best student in the phase. As far as anyone can tell, these don't really mean anything to anyone other than Porsche, which requires 3 of them in order to get into their program. I would probably be able to get one in my class, but there's a guy who sits in front of me who really, really wants it, and I don't really feel like trying to take it away from him.

Sean got to leave class for a while today and go look at right-hand drive Nissans. I'm not really sure how he pulled this off, or why those cars are even in this country in the first place, but apparently it was pretty sweet.

I know this isn't real exciting... believe me, I know. I'll try to pick up some ASU chicks in Tempe so I'll have something exciting to write about next week. My car is a total babe-magnet.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Whoa, dude, it's 4/20! Yeahhh, sweeet, dude! All right!

Big news... a new Springsteen album this fall! Just when I'll be desperately searching for a reason to live. Bruce comes through again. Thanks, Boss.

Today went by mercifully quickly, and when it was over I realized I'm feeling somewhat better. However, my newfound physical wellness was somewhat offset by the fact that I bounced my debit card this morning trying to buy a cup of coffee. Nothing quite like having to use a credit card to pay for something that costs $1.89 and holding up the line trying not to look like a broke moron in front of the cute coffee shop girl. Luckily it was payday.

At work they sent me to get a part from a junkyard, and as a result I finally found out where all the junkyards are in Phoenix. This is not a good thing for me to find out while I'm broke.

I swear to God, something has got to be done about the insurance industry. What a racket.

We're nearing the end of the phase at school, so Friday we'll get out early. Assuming I'm healthy and not entirely broke, I plan on getting heinously drunk, since I haven't been significantly drunk since St. Patrick's day of 2002. That was fun, so I figure, why not? Having to work in the morning clearly doesn't stop my tweaker boss from snorting 10 grams of coke and a 6 pack of Bud before coming into the shop late every day. NOTE: I don't have any proof of this alleged coke usage. And how do you know I don't mean Coca-cola? I could. You can snort soda; I've done it. And yes, I realize 10 grams of cocaine is probably a lot more than you can do in one sitting without dying. I can dream, can't I?

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Today was uneventful until I splashed boiling oil all over myself. Extra Virgin Olive Oil is seems pretty innocent until it's really hot and airborne. Maybe I should stop cooking my own food.

Dane was telling us about how he has to put an automatic transmission together in like 10 minutes in order to pass his class. Sounds cool.

Some weird-ass kid came up to Sean today and gave him a hug, completely out of the blue. I guess there are video games on the scanners they use in the higher-up classes, and Sean was playing one when this dude came up behind him and hugged him. Huh. They may want to send those strippers in the Hummer limo around a bit more frequently.

And finally, I'm still sick. It's looking like a doctor's visit (sans insurance coverage, of course) may be in order. Although I might just feel worse because of the whole boiling-oil-all-over-my-neck thing. One way to make sure you get well is to go to the doctor and waste your money to hear them tell you there's nothing to do but drink lots of fluids. Invariably you feel great the next day, and are left with the knowledge that had you waited just one more day before going to the hospital, you could have saved $1000. I'm moving to Canada.

Monday, April 19, 2004

Like George W on the aircraft carrier, my immune system seems to have declared "mission accomplished" when quite the opposite is true. At least the virus has changed things up a bit and moved more into sore throat territory, with less coughing but more pain.

Today was pretty run-of-the-mill, although I A) discovered that my car's alternator support bracket had broken off in lab today, necessitating repairs before it's driven again, and B) proved myself to be right in predicting I would eventually be made fun of for my zip-tie radiator mounting. But on the bright side, I've actually learned a thing or two in electronics recently, and think I've figured out how to work out some of the bugs in the car's fuel injection system wiring that baffled me back up in Portland.

You know what are really cool? Dogs.

It's way too late, but I feel I should mention the gigantic chicken breasts Sean and I have cooked for tomorrow's lunch. I mean, I don't know who killed this thing, but I feel like I should give him or her some kind of award. It's a damn good thing they got that chicken off the streets. Gigantic.

And a big thumbs up to the Boston Red Sox. Jason Varitek = Carlton Fisk. Although somehow I don't believe that A-Rod will be stuck below .200 all year long.

Sunday, April 18th, 2004

Today Sean and I got up early (Dane's still off on some adventure out of town) and had breakfast with the 'rents before they left for Portland. Sean stole a copy of the New York Times from Starbucks, and we read all about how the Yankees are doomed and something must be done (after 10 games!), blah, blah, blah. As Kramer once said imitating the prototypical Yankee fan: "I just don't know what I'll do if they don't win every game, all the time!"

After mom and dad left, we headed back home and went right back to sleep. I had the Red Sox / Yanks game on the radio via computer and was sort of half-conscious of the game while I catnapped. Eventually we both got up and went shopping for food at Albertsons, Vice City. Sean won't admit it, but he's caught my sickness, which STILL (!?!) persists at more or less full strength. We went folfing at the Scottsdale course, and for the second straight week I lost a disc in the water on my very first throw of the day. I later got a different disc stuck in a tree and had to climb the tree and then trow my keys at the disc, which knocked it loose, but predictably got my keys stuck in the tree as a side effect. Luckily they ended up lower, and Sean was able to pull on a branch and shake them down.

Tonight it's been our typical Sunday of laundry and cooking, with a slight car repair mixed in, as I topped off my car's tranny fluid while trying to have a telephone conversation with Vicky. Apparently a '69 BMW is an excellent inhibitor to cellular signals. Sean and I cut our own hair with some electric clippers mom and dad bought us, saving me $16 or so on a haircut but costing me my dignity. Dane finally got home just now, and it turns out he was in Sedona all weekend. I assume that's a city in Arizona, but I have no proof. Anyway, I'm going to try to beat this virus once and for all tonight, so I'd better be going.

Saturday, April 17, 2004

I had to work most of today, and Dane's out of town with his dad, so Sean had mom and dad all to himself for most of the day. As far as I can tell they just sort of wandered around Phoenix and bought Sean food and other little convenience items. It's amazing how hard it is to find anything to do here... there really is nothing to go see, nothing interesting or unique that you just have to show visitors from out of town. Once I got off work we all four sat around the apartment for a while, watching Sportscenter (the Red Sox had beaten the Yankees, after all) as if we were back home in Portland. Eventually we got the idea to go play miniature golf at this crazy amusement park at a mall near our apartment. It was fun, but I have no idea who won.

After the mini golf extravaganza, we piled into the rental Impala (two thumbs down) and headed over to Scottsdale to see how the other half (the richies) live. For such a rich area, Scottsdale feels an awful lot like a seedy college town meat-market strip, but with older people. It's really kind of gross. We eventually managed to find a nice restaurant and had a nice time. Again, very good to see the 'rents. Good times.

After mom and dad went back to their hotel, Sean and I went to Bobby McGee's, which I probably could have stood to skip, considering I'm still making absolutely no progress in beating this sickness. We met a crazy but cool girl named Red who noticed that Sean and I looked disgusted after the Lakers won their playoff game, and figured we must be all right. She completely dominated the conversation and obviously wanted everyone's attention all the time, but she was fun to talk to and she hated Jim Rome, which is always a plus. Eventually we both got tired and headed home, where we watched Donnie Darko and went to sleep.

© Long Shot Films 2004